it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
