u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
