youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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