I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
