Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
