the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
