Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
