Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Randomize
