I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
