I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
