Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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