Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
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