and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
