I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
