you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
