This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
