But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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