i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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