his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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