Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
My life is pants optional.
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