you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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