Soap is not a condiment
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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