So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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