ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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