she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
