i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
