I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
