Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
