i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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