I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
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