I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
