My first STD was from a foam party
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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