I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
