Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize