I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
