I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
