Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
