This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
