Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
