Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
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