I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
