OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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