You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
