nut hugger
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
