I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
