I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
