Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
nutella sex= disaster
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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