can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
