this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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