Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
