i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
